i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
