We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
