So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
