census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
