i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
