I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
