He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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