My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
