Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
