Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
