I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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