I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
