I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
