I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
