bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
