I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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