Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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