Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
