a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
