Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
