I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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