I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
