Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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