He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize