i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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