she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
