Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's blow job season.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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