Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
