just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
