I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize