is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
