you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
