life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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