Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
