I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
