Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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