drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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