Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
