I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize