1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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