Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
