Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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