I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
