my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
