I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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