have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
