I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
