I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
