the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
