She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
