I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
