Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
