Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
