If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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