drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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