I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
