I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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