too bad you live with your parents still
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
