You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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