I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
