Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
