Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
