He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
